Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Christmas Party

Your average law firm xmas party is an event not to be missed. I speak from experience having enjoyed around 20 previously. They never disappoint.

You can profile most people as follows:

The senior men
The Men with power generally stay sober
They ogle / letch
They swap private jokes with "safe" peers about other partners, subordinates or big breasts
They keep an eye on the free bar tab
They prepare their 1 minute "thank you for all your efforts this year" speech
They watch

The Middle ranking men
This is a confused bunch - some are aspirant, others are on the way down
The aspirants work hard at greasing the main players whilst staying cool with their peers
Those on the way down couldnt give a toss and are looking for a) Beer b) Totty c) both
Some will have niggles about pay rises, poor bonuses or lack of recognition
Others will be cockahoop having just been handed an associateship or decent bonus
Most will not enjoy the party - they cant - too much to lose if they over do it
This is by far the worst group to be in

The Juniors
This is by far the best group to be in
They dont give a toss because theyre young, free and horny
They dont care if things go pear because they will just move on - theyre young and will survive
There is free beer on offer and they are going to enjoy it
There are women (or men) on show and they are going to select who, how and where
They may make a move on a senior, they may not
They are unlikely to make a move on a middle man because - whats the point

The Trainees
Poor sods - they get abused all year and tonight is no different
Some clean up
Some carry bags or walk round with champagne topping up glasses
The lucky ones can let their hair down
But beware the predators - Trainees are ripe for harassment and are less likely to react
Most will be on duty first thing tomorrow but theyre too daft to go easy on the booze
Law school doesnt prepare you for this but you will survive and most have a whale of a time

The support staff
My favourite group
They just dont give a shit
Short of punching a senior bod - they have nothing to lose, nothing to gain
Theyre in a safe job, probably like their boss and have no intention of rocking the boat
That said they are here to enjoy themesleves
Theyve worked hard all year and tonight is payback time

This year we had 3 arguments in full view of everyone. One punch thrown (it missed the target)
4 people vomiting, 3married men leave with women who were not their partners (sharing a taxi home? who knows) and one God awful speech.

And that was just the senior men.

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